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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26975908">I Hate You, I Need You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyPaeonia/pseuds/PrettyPaeonia'>PrettyPaeonia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NU'EST</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First chapter is just authors note and explanation, M/M, NaNoWriMo 2020, Other, Produce feels, Shippy and Friendship accepted!, WannaOne are KIND OF mentioned but its more surrounding Produce and losing Minhyun for 2 years, Will be a oneshot request collection</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:29:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26975908</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyPaeonia/pseuds/PrettyPaeonia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A compilation of oneshots surrounding JR, will be all hurt/comfort and angst. None of these are connected unless stated otherwise, any JR/NU'EST Ship/Friendship accepted&lt;3 REQUESTS ARE CURRENTLY OPEN</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Minki | Ren/Kim Jonghyun | JR, Hwang Minhyun/Kim Jonghyun | JR, Kim Jonghyun | JR &amp; Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Request the Babies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello I'm back on my bullshit</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>HELLO AGAIN<br/>It has been a while my friends<br/>and I am back on it again with my oneshot compilation bullshit.</p><p>So I'm working on a BTS multific, slowly but surely, for this year's NaNoWriMo, however I won't be putting as much energy into NaNo this year as I do most other years, purely because I work full time now and my job's level of stress is "Huh I'm holding a £500,000 cheque that is someone's entire life savings and I'm being trusted to not fuck this up" level of stress.</p><p>So you know, stress.</p><p>BUT it's time to give some love to my favourite boys. I've been a LOVE since 2012 and I've wanted to write for them for so long. I have a few very very old NU'EST oneshots on my AFF from like 2014, but it's time for me to revisit my faves. (Of course I still love BTS with my entire heart and I'm not abandoning writing them)</p><p>SO LETS GET INTO THE MEAT AND POTATOES OF THIS.</p><p>Rules &amp; Things to Know:</p><p>1) Please comment with your requests! I reserve the right to reject any and close requests whenever I need to, but given the popularity difference between NU'EST and BTS, I don't expect this to be as popular as my two BTS Request fics were, so it's unlikely I will close these!</p><p>2) I will write JR/Anyone in NU'EST, that can be shippy or just friendship, let me know what you'd like! But JR will be main focus because you know, he is my ult and I love my boy. Also if anyone has read any of my other request fics you'd know I'm a lil bitch for Angst and Hurt/Comfort so requests surrounding these will be preferred&lt;3</p><p>3) WannaOne will not be included in this, I can respect WannaOne but seeing 95% of the NU'EST fics mainly just being WannaOne with them added in makes me sad. I WILL however write Post-WannaOne Minhyun with them being mentioned.</p><p>4) No NSFW/Explicit stuff</p><p>5) Please don't start any fanwars just because I'm jumping Fandom, I still adore BTS&lt;3</p><p>6) Please don't let this flop :(</p><p>7) I love you all and thank you for waiting for me to return&lt;3</p><p>6) If you don't want to comment on here, feel free to send the request in DM to my Twitter @PrettyPaeonia&lt;3</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Flirting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Ren flirts with everyone, members, fans, their friends and staff, so it doesnt mean anything when he flirts with JR, right? But what if JR wants it to mean something? What if he wants Ren to want him as much as he wants Ren?" - LittyKittyFive</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>NaNoWriMo has BEGUN save me now</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jonghyun loved fan meets.</p><p>Of course, they were exhausting, draining, took everything out of him. But it was worth it. Every single time it was worth it. Because he could see their faces. See the people who had supported them for so long, through thick and thin. LOVEs made it worth it, speaking to so many people, watching as their fans cried over being able to meet them, reaching over and holding their hands and reassuring them as much as he could.</p><p>Jonghyun loved them.</p><p>Dongho sat to his left, with Minhyun next to him at the end. Mingi sat to his right, with Aaron next to him on the other end. In the centre tended to be his least favourite spot, but their company liked putting him there as leader.</p><p>And everyone was enjoying themselves so much that it still kept being worth it. He hadn’t seen a smile like that on Dongho’s face in weeks, Minhyun too. Aaron was getting so excited whenever a fan spoke English to him, immediately opening up to them and chatting excitedly in words that mostly went straight over Jonghyun’s head. But it was still nice seeing the oldest member, their only hyung, so incredibly excited.</p><p>Mingi was… being Mingi. He was happy, talkative to all the fans and had his energy up way too high for Jonghyun to ever understand, but the youngest was like that, thriving off the fan interaction. He’d crash in a few hours, once they were back to the dorm and the excitement had died down.</p><p>But Mingi was still Mingi, and when it came to social interaction, flirting normally following pretty rapidly afterwards.</p><p>It didn’t matter who it was. Mingi was just…Mingi.</p><p>A girl came and immediately started crying when reaching for Minhyun’s hands, and she was still sobbing by the time she got to Mingi. Without missing a beat, the youngest grabbed her hands and smiled with all the charm in the world, smoothly telling her that ‘she’s beautiful even with the tears’ and gently wiping some of them away with the pad of his thumb. The girl had almost swooned, before being shuffled over to Aaron.</p><p>A teenage boy not long after, handing Mingi a small, wrapped gift. The brunette accepted it with grace, standing up to then bow at the fan, thanking him repeatedly and winking as he did, showing finger hearts to him. He told the fan he’d treasure it with his entire heart, regardless of what it was.</p><p>A staff member approached to clear the gifts that had been given, and Mingi wasted no time in winking and thanking the staff member with his whole heart. Which, obviously, was very nice and respectful for the youngest to treat their staff so well, Jonghyun would always appreciate the fact that he was polite, even if overly flirtatious.</p><p>But that didn’t mean his heart didn’t clench weirdly every time he saw it happen. It didn’t mean every flirtatious wink and comment made his heart hurt a little more than it should.</p><p>It didn’t mean when Mingi turned his flirting on Jonghyun that it felt good.</p><p>Because Jonghyun did want that, of course he did…but not in the way that Mingi meant it.</p><p>Regardless, Jonghyun kept a smile on his face, laughed and joked around with the younger, grinned as wide as he could as he was pulled into a hug with Mingi to pose for a LOVE’s photo, finger hearts up and ready to go. He was the leader, he had to lead by example, and he couldn’t appear to be sad during a fan meet. Their fans deserved better than that. He laughed off the flirtatious comments Mingi threw at him and threw them right back, wiggling his eyebrows to emphasise the words he said. There was nothing else he could do.</p><p>Before he knew it, the fan meet was over, the last of the LOVEs leaving with teary glances and small waves as Jonghyun and the other members began to help clear up. Thankfully, their fans weren’t as messy as they could be, and it really didn’t take too long at all for the five of them to work through the mess that had been left and help the staff clean it up. </p><p>Then they were being piled into a car, back to the dorm without a moment’s notice. Now that Jonghyun could turn off, he was drained. All the exhaustion he’d felt previously was piling on to him, making his shoulders heavy and his brain fuzzy as they climbed into the car. He felt…weirdly sad as the others piled in beside him. On a normal day, even through his exhaustion, Jonghyun would laugh and joke with his other members before they passed out for the night, but that didn’t seem possible today.</p><p>Leaning a little as the car started moving, the raven rested his head against the cold window, staring out into the streets moving around them as the other four spoke between them, loud and disorganised but sounding so much like home that it should have comforted him more than just white noise fading into the background.</p><p>Maybe he just needed more sleep, maybe that would help. He’d feel better in the morning.</p><p>Aaron seemed to have sat next to him, but Jonghyun heard his voice peter away from the conversation after a little while, before a hand touched his shoulder and a quiet, American accented voice spoke to him. “Jonghyun-ah? What’s wrong?”</p><p>Jonghyun smiled a little at the question, leave it to the only hyung to notice something was off. But it wasn’t worth worrying Aaron over, after all, it really was nothing. It shouldn’t be upsetting him, it shouldn’t be affecting him, so there was no point making a big deal out of it really.</p><p>“Nothing, Aaron-hyung. I’m okay.” He let his smile grow for the older, hoping it was convincing enough. “Really, I’m okay.” </p><p>“You don’t seem okay, Jongie.” </p><p>“I’m alright.”</p><p>Aaron sighed a little, leaning back in his seat and looking away from the older. “Bottling it up won’t help.”</p><p>Jonghyun didn’t respond.</p><p>—————</p><p>The drive home took too long for Jonghyun to be comfortable with it, but once they were eventually back, Jonghyun wasted no time in getting himself into the dorm and straight into his bedroom. He hoped the other’s wouldn’t be too upset by his avoidance of socialisation. He just… couldn’t, right now. </p><p>He didn’t know why it had affected him so much today. It’s not like Mingi’s actions had changed from what they normally were, he’d been acting the same as always. But it had just… hit differently this day, they’d cut deeper, and he didn’t have the energy to pretend it didn’t.</p><p>Dongho had tried to say something to him as his bedroom door closed, something about sorting out food, but Jonghyun pretended he’d missed the words. Which honestly, wasn’t too far from the truth. He knew he’d been spoken to, but he didn’t know exactly what was said, and he didn’t stop to try and find out either.</p><p>Pulling off his clothes from the day, Jonghyun changed into comfier sweats and an oversized jumper before flopping onto his bed, switching on his TV and beginning to scroll through his list of ‘To Watch’ anime. </p><p>No, no, no, no, no, no…</p><p>Maybe later, not today, no, no, not in the mood, no, no…</p><p>Giving a frustrated sigh, Jonghyun threw an arm over his face.</p><p>Maybe he should just go straight to sleep, maybe it was exhaustion making him more irritable than normal.</p><p>But anime would usually be able to cure that, and mindlessly flipping through his options wasn’t helping in the slightest. But nothing was appealing either.</p><p>Maybe a rewatch would help more than starting something new.</p><p>But it didn’t take long to realise that idea was fruitless also. Nothing there was appealing either.</p><p>What was wrong with him? He enjoyed watching his shows, he could stay up far too late engrossed in a show and destroy his limited sleep before a schedule the next day. But tonight, when he had all the time in the world to watch what he wanted without the worry of not getting up in time… his brain just didn’t want to. </p><p>A light knock at the door pulled him from his mindless daze though, and Jonghyun didn’t even chance to answer before it was being pushed open and two of his other members walked in.</p><p>Aaron and Dongho. Jonghyun already felt as though this was an intervention, but he didn’t know why.</p><p>“Jonghyun-ah, you need to talk to us.” Dongho said as he sat on the bed beside the leader, not even bothering to ask as he immediately reached over and thread his fingers into Jonghyun’s hair. Dongho wasn’t always tactile with them, but when he was, it was usually on purpose to try and comfort them.</p><p>Jonghyun didn’t need comforting.</p><p>“I’m alright, honestly.”</p><p>“You really need to stop lying about that, it’s very obvious you’re not.” Aaron sighed, sitting on Jonghyun’s other side before throwing himself backwards casually so he was lying with his head on the pillow and his hands behind them. “We know you’re not alright, we can’t help if we don’t know why.”</p><p>“There’s nothing wrong, nothing important.”</p><p>“Ah, so if it isn’t important, there is still something wrong?” Dongho raised an eyebrow, and Jonghyun winced internally. He’d chosen his words wrong there.</p><p>“Thats…that’s not what I said.”</p><p>“Yeah it is, if there wasn’t anything at all you wouldn’t have said that it’s not important.” </p><p>“You’re taking my words out of context.”</p><p>“I’m not, you’re just not being truthful.” </p><p>Aaron laughed a little at the back and forth between the two, before pushing himself upright with a serious face. “Honestly, Jongie. We just want to help, that’s all. None of us like it when you’re sad.”</p><p>Jonghyun sighed a little, it was becoming increasingly obvious that he wanted going to get out of this.</p><p>“It’s… it’s stupid.” He attempted one last time to get out of having to talk about it, but the other two simply raised an eyebrow at him, and waited for him to continue. When he didn’t though, Aaron tried again.</p><p>“I bet it isn’t stupid, but even if it was, if it’s upsetting you, it’s important.”</p><p>“Please can I just wallow in self pity and get over it myself?”</p><p>“No.” Dongho’s tone held no room for argument, and even though they were the same age, and Jonghyun was leader, he knew better than to argue with Dongho. Especially when it came to the wellbeing of all of them.</p><p>Giving a small sigh, Jonghyun threw his arm over his face again, trying to hide the way his face was already turning red from embarrassment. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of nothing, but he knew he was going to have no choice. The other two weren’t going to let this go.</p><p>“I’m just… I’m just a little…” Taking a frustrated breath, Jonghyun tried to figure out how to phrase what he meant, but there was no way to beat around the bush and still say what was upsetting him. “I’m in love with Mingi. And I know it’s just how he is, but watching him flirt with everyone just… settles weird. Watching him flirt with me and knowing there’s nothing behind it, that he’s just playing around and trying to get a reaction hurts more than it should. I can normally hide it, brush it off and not let it bother me. But today… it’s harder to do that today. It’s horrible watching the person you’re in love with flirt with everyone. It’s even worse watching them flirt with you and knowing it doesn’t mean anything. That they don’t mean it.”</p><p>Jonghyun was met with silence for a few moments, peeking from behind his arm to watch Aaron open and close his mouth a few times, formulating a reply while Dongho looked ready to start laughing at him. Not the most…reassuring response to his declaration of love.</p><p>“Jonghyun-ah… Mingi is obsessed with you.” Aaron eventually replied, but he wore a small frown, as if worried. “Do you really think he isn’t?”</p><p>“Not the way I’d want him to be.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you’re this dumb. He’s been obsessed with you for years.” Dongho then responded with a short laugh. “Is this really what you’ve been so cut up over? Jonghyun-ah, he loves you. More than you think.” </p><p>But Jonghyun just shook his head, moving his arm a little to not be peeking out from under it anymore. “I…I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. Sorry.” </p><p>Aaron just sighed, reaching over and petting the leader’s arm. “Jonghyun-ah, honestly, we want to he-”</p><p>Jonghyun cut him off. “Hyung, please, I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”</p><p>The oldest just nodded a little, before getting up from his bed. “Alright, but we’re both here, alright? Text us if you need anything. Please? We just want you to be okay.”</p><p>When Jonghyun gave a small nod in response, Dongho and Aaron both stood, heading out of the room and leaving Jonghyun in isolation once again.</p><p>He continued to scroll through his options of what to watch with little success, flipping to Netflix and scrolling through that for a while with a similar issue.</p><p>Maybe just going to sleep would be better than trying to distract his brain from it’s misery, because this obviously wasn’t working very well.</p><p>Then another knock came to his bedroom door, but this time, it wasn’t pushed open without his response. Whoever it was waited, waited to be given permission to enter.</p><p>“Whoever it is, you can come in.” </p><p>The door pushed open, and it was Mingi’s face that greeted him.</p><p>Jonghyun’s heart dropped.</p><p>The youngest’s face was blotchy and his eyes rimmed with red, but Jonghyun forced himself to believe it was from aggressively removing his makeup from the day rather than any other more heartbreaking cause. Like the young brunette being upset.</p><p>Jonghyun didn’t want him to be upset.</p><p>Mingi didn’t say anything as he walked in and sat himself on the end of Jonghyun’s bed. Not as close as the other two had, in fact, he was as far away on the bed as he could be while still being comfortable.</p><p>And…neither of them spoke.</p><p>They just sat, in silence.</p><p>Jonghyun didn’t look at Mingi.</p><p>Mingi didn’t look at Jonghyun.</p><p>But Mingi broke the silence first.</p><p>“I didn’t know.”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“I didn’t know it upset you, I’m sorry.”</p><p>Jonghyun let out a sigh, cursing the two members who had obviously gone straight to the youngest to try and sort out the issue, that really could have been a non-issue if Jonghyun could just control his emotions better.</p><p>“You don’t have to be sorry, it’s alright.”</p><p>“I upset you.”</p><p>“I upset me more than you did, Mingi-ah. It’s okay.”</p><p>“No its not, Jonghyun. It’s not okay. I’ve been hurting you without even knowing it was hurting you. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you even just mention it offhand in order to save yourself pain?”</p><p>Jonghyun raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Because… that’s not really my place? I’m not going to tell you to change who you are. You’re a flirty person, and that’s great. It’s what we all love about you. It’s just…” Jonghyun hesitated, not knowing how much the others had told Mingi. “It’s just knowing you don’t mean it when you do it with me.”</p><p>Mingi frowned over at him. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“When you flirt with me, you don’t mean it. You’re just playing around and being yourself. Which is fine! But it hurts a little sometimes. It’s nothing for you to worry about. It’s something I need to work through alone. You didn’t do anything wrong.”</p><p>“You want me to flirt with you and mean it…?” Mingi’s face shifted a little, becoming more mischievous, smiling in a way that made Jonghyun’s gut twist. “Aw, Jonghyun-ah, do you looooooove me?”</p><p>Jonghyun rolled over to hide his beet-red face as much as he could. “I never said that.”</p><p>“You totally did. You’re in love with me and that’s why you’re so upset.”</p><p>“Nope, definitely not what I said.”</p><p>“You want me to love you back so you get jealous when I flirt with other people.”</p><p>“You’re overthinking this.”</p><p>“You don’t know that I do actually mean it when I flirt with you. You don’t know that I do love you the way you want me to.”</p><p>“You’re no-” Jonghyun stopped his already thought-of response, his brain just now catching up to what exactly Mingi had just said. “What?”</p><p>“You heard me.”</p><p>“Say it again.”</p><p>Mingi laughed for a second, before shuffling closer to Jonghyun on the bed, smiling brightly. But it wasn’t the shit-eating grin Mingi usually wore, it was an actual smile, pure and amused. “I do mean it when I flirt with you.”</p><p>“And the other bit.”</p><p>“I do love you the way you want me to.”</p><p>Jonghyun hesitated.</p><p>“Do…do you really mean that?”</p><p>“Of course I do, we’re best friends and I love you like my best friend!”</p><p>Jonghyun’s hopeful expression dropped in the half a second it took his brain to process these new words.</p><p>But Mingi just laughed, lightly punching at Jonghyun’s arm. “Don’t look so upset I’m messing you around. I’ve been in love with you from the moment we met as trainees.”</p><p>“That wasn’t funny.”</p><p>“It was fucking hilarious.”</p><p>Jonghyun lightly hit Mingi back, before settling himself back down to get comfortable where he lay. “So…what now?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Where do we go from here?”</p><p>“Well first, oh leader-nim,” Jonghyun flinched a little at having his title used, but Mingi just laughed at his reaction. “We’re going to order the biggest bucket of fried chicken I can find and we’re not going to give the other three any. Then, I’m going to lie here with you, and we’re going to watch a sappy gushy Shoujo and I will be your shoulder to cry on when you get overwhelmed with all the sappy gushy love in it.”</p><p>“I watch Shounen.”</p><p>“Not today you’re not. Now give me your card.”</p><p>“Excuse me? Its your idea to get chicken.”</p><p>“Yeah but you’re the leader so you’re paying.”</p><p>Jonghyun wasn’t going to take that. If it was Mingi’s idea, Mingi was paying. Jonghyun shouldn’t have to pay just because Mingi wanted chicken and wasn’t going to take no as an answer. He would fight, tooth and nail. Not because he had no money, but because it was the principle of it. Besides, if this was their first date, Mingi owed him the chicken for playing with his heart using the ‘best friend’ comment, so it was only fair that Mingi paid to make up for the comment. Not only that, he also had to make up for the hours Jonghyun had to sit and listen to the youngest flirt with everyone. Sometimes he really regretted being the leader, because Mingi thought he could use that to get whatever he wanted. He wasn’t a hyung, that was Aaron, so he had no responsibility to pay for things or be guilted into it. Even if Mingi was the maknae, he was still the same age as Jonghyun, so his leader status shouldn’t come into it at all.</p><p>“I’m not paying.”</p><p>10 minutes later, Mingi had Jonghyun’s card in his hand while he ordered chicken on the phone, the Fruit’s Basket remake playing on Jonghyun’s TV in front of them.</p><p>It had only been half an hour, and the leader was already whipped.</p><p>“Yeah, I want the biggest bucket of fried chicken you do. Like, just empty out a vat and fill it with chicken. All of the chicken you can deliver.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello&lt;3<br/>This isn't the proudest I've ever been at a piece of writing, but I'm cutting myself some slack because I haven't written for NU'EST in about 6 years so I need to work on getting into their heads, finding their flows and carving out how they act in my head! So characterisations may change as I move further through this :)</p><p>ALSO I made a strawpoll, and depending on the answers this oneshot may get updated and changed a little! You'll understand more when you see it :) <br/>Vote here: https://strawpoll.com/kes937q66</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Daybreak</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Please please write twohyun(jonghyun/Minhyun), angst realisation of something more when apart 2018 , trying to deal with extra feeling when he is back ( angst !!!!!!!) In 2019 (all in jonghyun's pov) and confessions and getting together ... Like slowburn angst with happy ending yeah two dumb people yearning for each other and never telling because ...friendship." - Bugi689</p><p>I hope this satisfied your need&lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lights were far too bright.</p><p>Jonghyun’s heart raced within his chest.</p><p>How was he meant to feel? Hopeful that he was about to be one of the winners of the competition he’d given a significant chunk of his time? Heart broken that this was his group’s last chance? Did he want to be part of the project group? Did he not?</p><p>He didn’t know how he felt. He didn’t know how he was meant to feel.</p><p>The four of them had gone on the show, with so many trainees and young men just trying to achieve their dream, desperate to save their group. Desperate to get NU’EST’s name out there and expand their fan base.</p><p>They didn’t expect to get as far as they did.</p><p>It wasn’t that Jonghyun thought they were bad idols or untalented, of course not.</p><p>But the plan for going on the show wasn’t to win. It was to increase his current group’s popularity.</p><p>The rankings were appearing, but Jonghyun couldn’t bring himself to focus on it. Instead, he focused on the other members in various spots around him on the stage. Mingi wasn’t too far away, neither was Dongho or Minhyun. Aaron was out in the audience, somewhere that Jonghyun couldn’t see, supporting them from the sidelines as he always did.</p><p>He saw the numbers going up, but his name hadn’t appeared yet. Neither had Mingi’s. Nor Dongho’s.</p><p>But there was Minhyun’s. </p><p>Minhyun’s name was up on the screen in bright lights, confirming that he was one of the winners.</p><p>Confirming that Minhyun was part of this new project group.</p><p>Minhyun wouldn’t be part of NU’EST for a while, not by name.</p><p>Jonghyun quickly moved to look at his fellow member, trying to gauge how the other was reacting to the news.</p><p>And what he saw made his heart crumble.</p><p>Minhyun looked just as torn as he felt. There was a light smile on his face, a smile of pride, of joy for having proven himself.</p><p>But Minhyun had tears in his eyes, and anyone who didn’t know him well would be able to tell those tears weren’t ones of joy. </p><p>The other made eye contact with his leader. His ex leader. And Jonghyun had to quickly look away before he cried too.</p><p>—————</p><p>The journey back to their dorm had been difficult.</p><p>They didn’t talk. Manager Jeon in the front seat didn’t bother trying to comfort them with words.</p><p>Dongho didn’t try to be reassuring.</p><p>Mingi didn’t try to joke everything off, didn’t try to flirt his way out of the somber mood in the car.</p><p>Minhyun didn’t try to tell them that it would be okay.</p><p>And Jonghyun couldn’t find it in himself right now to be their leader.</p><p>He couldn’t find words for the change their dynamic was going through.</p><p>He couldn’t try to help when there was nothing he could do.</p><p>He couldn’t process the fact that Minhyun wasn’t staying in the dorm that night. That their manager would only be staying until Minhyun had gathered everything he’d need for the next 24 months.</p><p>Two years.</p><p>Minhyun was going to be contracted away from them for two years.</p><p>And who knew what was going to happen to them when he was gone.</p><p>Maybe Minhyun wouldn’t have a group to come back to.</p><p>The somber silence stayed once they were confined back in their dorm. Their manager had stayed outside in the car, knowing that the five of them didn’t need him hovering right now, but even without him there they were struggling to talk to each other.</p><p>Not because of awkwardness, not because they weren’t all comfortable with each other. They’d been together so long that of course they were.</p><p>But what was there to say?</p><p>Jonghyun broke the silence before anyone else did, but it wasn’t out in the open. Instead, he’d followed the other into his room, sat on the bed and watched as Minhyun folded clothes carefully into a suitcase. </p><p>“I didn’t want this.”</p><p>Minhyun didn’t respond for a moment, but when he did, he didn’t look up. He didn’t make eye contact with the leader.</p><p>“I know, Jonghyunie. I know.” </p><p>“I didn’t want us to be split up. I just wanted to save us.”</p><p>“We all know, we don’t blame you. This might not be a bad thing, yeah? This could be great for us.”</p><p>“How can it be great when you’re not with us, Minnie? How can it not be a bad thing?”</p><p>“Because we’ll survive.”</p><p>“But I don’t want you to go.”</p><p>Minhyun didn’t respond to that, finally lifting his head to meet Jonghyun’s gaze. They both had tears in their eyes, unshed but very much there.</p><p>He didn’t say anything else, but continued packing.</p><p>——————</p><p>Their first win was bittersweet.</p><p>Where You At had been bigger than any of them could have predicted, their new subunit doing better than they had done as a whole unit for a while. Standing on that stage, accepting the award surrounded by fellow idols cheering for them, it was surreal.</p><p>But it didn’t feel right.</p><p>It didn’t feel right because they were only four. NU’EST were five. But they were only four. Their brother was missing, and there was nothing he could do about it.</p><p>Jonghyun knew Minhyun was watching them, he’d seen when the camera had switched to focus in on his proud gaze up to the stage, and the leader couldn’t let his happiness slip as he celebrated with the others.</p><p>He had to keep it together, they all did, because this was a happy moment. They’d worked so hard. LOVEs had worked so hard. They were holding a win and it was a happy moment.</p><p>But Jonghyun wished it didn’t have to happen the way it did.</p><p>Hours later, when Jonghyun was showered, bare faced and lying on his bed with his phone in his hands, he didn’t really know what to do when it started vibrating and flashed a picture of Minhyun’s face.</p><p>He stared at it for a moment too long, half tempted to just let the call ring out, but he didn’t, instead answering the video call and pulling the phone away from his face so the other would be able to see him better.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Minhyun grinned back at him, and although Jonghyun could hear other people in the other’s new dorm, Minhyun’s attention was focused on him instead. “Hey, have you eaten?”</p><p>“We ate after the show, don’t worry.”</p><p>“I always worry.”</p><p>“It’s my job to worry about you, not the other way around.”</p><p>“A leader still needs someone to care about him too.”</p><p>Jonghyun just smiled a little at the words, moving a little to get more comfortable while never taking his gaze off the other.</p><p>“We really missed you up there today.”</p><p>“I was with you really, in spirit.”</p><p>“It’s not the same. We miss you.”</p><p>“I miss you guys too.”</p><p>Jonghyun just sighed sadly, moving his arm so he could lie on that instead.</p><p>“How long left?”</p><p>“Still over a year, Jonghyunnie.”</p><p>“Are you…” Jonghyun hesitated, not knowing if he even wanted the question answered. “Are you happy?”</p><p>Minhyun seemed to hesitate just as much, not knowing if he even wanted to answer.</p><p>“I am. The rest of my members are great, we do get on really well, and it’s a lot of fun promoting with them.”</p><p>Jonghyun gave a small smile.</p><p>Once again, it was bittersweet. He needed Minhyun to be happy. He couldn’t want him to be upset. But at the same time, Jonghyun wasn’t sure he’d be happy again, not properly, until Minhyun was back with them. Half of him wanted Minhyun to be miserable, to miss them as much as they missed him.</p><p>What if Minhyun decided to not come back? What if he’d had his taste of true, proper fame? Of being in a massively successful group and decided he didn’t want to come back to them, struggling through each comeback to prove their place in the industry?</p><p>What if he liked his new members better? What if he decided to go Solo after his contract expired?</p><p>What would Jonghyun do if Minhyun never came back to them?</p><p>“Hey.” </p><p>Jonghyun pulled his attention back from inside his own head, instead towards the phone only loosely held in his hands now.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“What’s on your mind?”</p><p>Jonghyun decided to pointedly ignore that question. There was no point plaguing Minhyun with the thoughts affecting him.</p><p>And he didn’t want Minhyun to confirm he was right. He didn’t want to put the thought into Minhyun’s head in the first place.</p><p>“Jonghyunnie?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“You’re really distracted, are you okay?”</p><p>Jonghyun gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile.</p><p>“I’m okay, I’m just tired.”</p><p>“I’ll let you go then, text me tomorrow?”</p><p>“Of course I will.”</p><p>Just as quickly as it had started, the phonecall was over and Minhyun’s face was gone again. That soft, beautiful face had disappeared from his view and he didn’t know when he’d see it in person again.</p><p>They said distance makes the heart grow fonder, but all this did was hurt.</p><p>He wanted to see Minhyun laugh and smile with them as he had for years, he wanted to be pushed over in his bed so Minhyun could climb in when the other was stressed out and couldn’t sleep, he wanted to wake up those mornings with the vocalist sound asleep on his chest again.</p><p>But it had been nearly a year already since that had last happened, the night before Produce had ended.</p><p>Jonghyun sniffled lightly, trying to will the tears to not fall as his heart ached in his chest. It was stupid, crying over such a thing. He just missed his friend. People missed people all the time and managed to deal with it just fine.</p><p>But Minhyun’s absence was like a knife in his chest that just dug deeper with every achievement they got without him there.</p><p>“Jong?” Jonghyun quickly looked up at the sound of Dongho’s voice, moving to wipe at his face as if he would be able to hide how upset he was, as if wiping at his face removed the fact that Dongho had already seen. “You okay?”</p><p>Jonghyun just nodded, sniffling again and rubbing at his eyes to see if he could pass it off as just being tired. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. What’s up?”</p><p>“Minhyun asked me to check on you.”</p><p>Of course he had. Stupid, selfless Minhyun would have seen straight through the emotional turmoil Jonghyun was going through, and despite the fact he couldn’t be here, it was just like him to do his best to make sure the others were still taken care of, one way or another.</p><p>“I’m fine, I don’t know why he asked you to do that.”</p><p>“You’re literally sat in here crying.”</p><p>“I’m not.”</p><p>“You are, and it’s okay to be upset.” Dongho walked closer, sitting on the edge of Jonghyun’s bed and pulling him into a hug. Dongho was made of so much muscle, but he was still so comfortable and comforting at the same time. He should be hard as a rock and not nice to hug, but that wasn’t the case in the slightest. “We all miss him.”</p><p>“I know, but I shouldn’t be so selfish.”</p><p>“Missing the person you love doesn’t make you selfish.”</p><p>Jonghyun harshly pulled away at that, looking at the other with a confused, yet hesitant gaze. “What?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“What did you just say?”</p><p>“I didn’t say anything.”</p><p>“You did.”</p><p>“Did not. Go to sleep, Jonghyun-ah.”</p><p>Jonghyun huffed, but did as he was told as he settled back down on Dongho, letting the other’s strong heartbeat lull away the exhaustion of the day.</p><p>—————</p><p>Today was the day.</p><p>WannaOne hadn’t officially disbanded yet, they still had their final concert in a few weeks.</p><p>But Minhyun was moving back into the dorm with the rest of the NU’EST members, rejoining them properly for the first time in years.</p><p>And Jonghyun was terrified.</p><p>Granted, he hadn’t decided to leave the others. He hadn’t decided to go solo and forget about their small, struggling group.</p><p>But that fear had never gone away. Minhyun could still make that decision. Minhyun could still leave.</p><p>But when the other walked into the dorm, dropping off a few suitcases by the front door and stared at them all sitting in the living area, all that fear melted away.</p><p>He was still so perfect.</p><p>Of course, he’d seen Minhyun during the two years he hadn’t been part of the group. They had video calls, promotions lining up, his picture, along with the other members, had been plastered all over Korea.</p><p>But seeing him in person, actually in the flesh, standing near them, able to touch him and talk to him without the risk of one group of angry fans attacking the other. It was… different. It was different, and finally, the anxiety raging in Jonghyun’s ears for over two years had gone silent.</p><p>He was back.</p><p>The reunion wasn’t like something in the movies. They didn’t run up to him, screaming and shouting with joy and touching him as much as they could. It was more subdued, more awkward than that.</p><p>They were still a family, they still all loved each other, but it was like reuniting with a cousin you hadn’t seen in years.</p><p>It was hesitant, no-one really knowing what to do and say. It was hard to go back immediately to how they’d been together two years ago, they’d all changed in that time.</p><p>But it didn’t take long for that awkwardness to pass.</p><p>Mingi broke it first, commenting how Minhyun had just gotten hotter over the hiatus, and that immediately had Minhyun laughing with a blush. Dongho had moved, letting Minhyun sit between himself and Jonghyun without vocalising the invitation to do so. Thankfully, the other did without question.</p><p>Aaron didn’t take long to get over the change either, they were only 10 minutes into Minhyun sitting with them before he was cracking jokes like they’d been no break at all.</p><p>They didn’t ask him how it was, they knew Minhyun was probably feeling very torn.</p><p>NU’EST were his family, but that didn’t mean he didn’t grow to love the WannaOne members.</p><p>He’d still left people he loved, stopped promoting with a group he’d been with for two years. Jonghyun knew that torn feeling.</p><p>Because he’d felt something so similar two years before.</p><p>But out of all the members, Jonghyun was struggling the most to break that awkward tension between them.</p><p>He and Minhyun had spoken the most out of all of them during the break, but now he was back, the air had changed between them.</p><p>They’d gotten closer, but drew apart at the same time.</p><p>Like an internet friend you didn’t quite know how to read in person despite the countless late night calls.</p><p>They got through an entire movie before Minhyun started to move from beside him.</p><p>“I better go start unpacking, or I’ll be up all night trying to sort things out. Has my room changed?”</p><p>“Not at all,” Aaron smiled, before getting up and pushing at the side of Jonghyun’s head lightly. “Ah, oh gracious leader, go help him unpack.”</p><p>“I’m alright, hyung, rea-”</p><p>Aaron cut off Minhyun’s refusal. “Nah he should help you, it’s not like he’s done anything but watch movies all day anyway.”</p><p>Jonghyun grumbled a little, making direct eye contact with the other who just smirked a little before walking away, leaving Jonghyun with no choice but to get up and follow Minhyun to his old room, carrying one of his suitcases as he did.</p><p>They began to unpack in silence, Jonghyun not needing to ask where Minhyun wanted to put things. Because as much as time had past, really… Minhyun hadn’t changed.</p><p>But they still didn’t talk much. A confirmation of where something was being put here, a question about a piece of clothing there, but nothing substantial.</p><p>Jonghyun started tearing up.</p><p>Minhyun noticed immediately. </p><p>“Hey hey hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”</p><p>Jonghyun quickly swiped at his eyes. “I’m not. I’m not crying. I’m fine.”</p><p>But Minhyun didn’t take that as an answer as he kneeled in front of the leader, immediately putting his hands on Jonghyun’s cheeks like there was no awkwardness between them at all, like no time had passed. The soft pads of Minhyun’s thumbs brushed against his cheeks, wiping away any tears that dare fall.</p><p>“Don’t lie, what’s wrong?” </p><p>“I-I just…” Jonghyun took a deep breath, trying to steady himself despite the feeling of Minhyun’s hands on his face. “I’m so happy you’re back.”</p><p>“Oh Jongie,” Minhyun laughed a little as he pulled the leader in closer, cupping the back of his head as he hugged him. “I’m happy I’m back too, but there’s no reason to cry over it.”</p><p>“You don’t understand, I-I missed you so much.” </p><p>“That’s still no reason to cry.” Minhyun chuckled, pulling away again so he could look at Jonghyun’s face and wipe the tears away again. “I missed you too. You know you’re still really pretty, even when you cry.”</p><p>Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Thanks, I guess.”</p><p>“I’m really going to miss our late night phone calls.”</p><p>“Why? You can climb into bed with me again now.”</p><p>Minhyun laughed and hit at Jonghyun’s shoulder lightly, but he still didn’t pull away.</p><p>“I’m sorry I had to go.”</p><p>“It’s not your fault.”</p><p>“I love you, Jonghyun.”</p><p>Jonghyun froze as the words came from Minhyun’s lips, and it seemed to take the other a split second to realise exactly what he had said too as he flinched away, breaking the soft contact they’d had and looking mildly panicked.</p><p>“I… I mean…” </p><p>“I love you too, Minhyun.”</p><p>“Thank god for that, or this would be a really awkward situation.”</p><p>Jonghyun could only laugh for a second before he was pulled back into a hug, and they stayed like that until the seconds turned into minutes, and the minutes turned to hours. Eventually, they slowly moved from where they had sat to be lying on the bed, never letting go of one another and not talking, until sleep pulled Minhyun in first, the vocalist fading from consciousness in Jonghyun’s grip.</p><p>The leader couldn’t do much but play lightly with the other’s hair, until he was pulled under too.</p><p>If the next morning, Aaron had snuck in and taken pictures of the two asleep in each other’s arms, he definitely hadn’t sent them to both Dongho and Mingi who had each made it their phone backgrounds.</p><p>Definitely not.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was super fun to write, I do love these two&lt;3</p><p>Also...can you tell I got more and more drunk the further you get through this oneshot? I hope you can't tell, because I am HELLA wine drunk right now and yet decided to continue writing</p><p>I'll read it over in the morning and see if I need to fix or rewrite things :')</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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